Hello, My Name is Alan

I Am a Runner

The first time I went running around my neighborhood in the spring of 2012 I felt like an imposter. “I’m not a runner,” I thought, “All of these people can see that I’m a phony.”

Actually, no one cared.

I kept running, and eventually as I improved my fitness, honed my skills, conquered new distances, and upgraded my gear this activity became a part of my identity: I am a runner. A runner doesn’t stop running because of an illness; he can’t wait to recover so he can go running again. A runner doesn’t stop running because of a vacation; he searches the map for good places to run wherever he goes. A runner doesn’t stop running because he finished a race; he keeps running and looks for another one to sign up for.

When I counsel my patients about living a healthier lifestyle I often focus on the change they need to make in how they view themselves. Somehow they need to go from saying, “I am unhealthy and out of shape,” to saying, “I am a runner.” (Or a walker, swimmer, biker, pickleball player, or whatever. Which exercise is right for you? The one that you will do.)

I Am a Musician

I learned my first guitar chords and started writing songs when I was 10 years old. There were a lot of influences on me at the time, but one that stands out was a 1988 claymation mockumentary about the California Raisins. It hit a sweet spot for my little brain, and somehow drove it into me that I wanted to be a singer, a songwriter, a guitarist, a performer. But it was deeper than that; I felt it in my soul. It was my destiny. The fact that I have never made any money making music does nothing to discourage me from saying that I am a musician. It is who I am.

I am a Doctor

Last week in clinic the front desk receptionist said that there was a Dr. so-and-so at the front desk to see me. I didn’t recognize the name. Was this one of my colleagues needing a curbside consultation, or just stopping by the clinic to make my acquaintance? My medical assistant looked at the schedule and said, “Oh! He’s our next patient!” It turned out that he is a retired doctor who still introduces himself as Dr. so-and-so wherever he goes.

“I’m not doing that,” I said to my medical assistant. “When I retire you have to call me Alan.”

I have written at length about the process I went through to become a doctor. I have also written about my struggles — effectual ones, thankfully — to find a good balance between work and personal life. It is a great privilege to be a physician, and I really love being able to help people in a powerful and specialized way. This privilege can also be a burden, and someday, with terrible ambivalence, I will lay it down.

I Am a Husband

The day will eventually come when I can no longer run, make music, or practice medicine. But by the grace of God I will never relinquish this title: Marisa’s husband.

This means so much more than home economics: the acquisition and distribution of money, and the division of labor for household tasks. It is more than physical intimacy and sexuality. Our marriage is even bigger than our related roles of mother and father.

Marisa and I have a shared identity. All that I have and am belongs to her, and she gives me everything that she has and is. We are bonded together physically, emotionally, and spiritually by a mutual and reciprocal sacrificial love. We are sealed together in the House of the Lord, on earth and in heaven.

We don’t have to be in close proximity in order for our wedding to remain in force. If one of us is traveling away from home for weeks at a time, we are still just as married as if we were sleeping in the same bed. Someday when one or both of us is lying in the grave we will still be married, because our marriage vows were not made “until death do you part” but for “time and all eternity.”

I Am a Son of God

I met a man in the last area of my mission who had been introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by a young woman he was interested in. Before that time he never thought much about religion, but I think I just mentioned something about how women can be very motivating. Anyway, this man later told me that when the missionaries taught him that he was a child of God, it changed everything in his life.

He wasn’t just a nobody from East Anglia. God, the omnipotent, the creator of the universe, was his father. Surely that meant something about this young man’s potential. His soul expanded to a greater comprehension of his divine destiny. If he was a Son of God, then surely he could amount to something.

And he did! He married that young woman and raised a family in righteousness. He went to school and became a doctor. When I knew him decades later he was serving as a counselor in the stake presidency. He was a faithful man with spiritual power. Such is the effect of learning your true identity.

I Am a Disciple of Jesus Christ

I didn’t choose to become a son of God, and there is no way that I could stop being one if I wanted to, but all of the other things I have described were to some degree based on my own choices: to run, to play the guitar and sing, to go to medical school, to marry.

The most important choice I have ever made is to follow Jesus Christ. Why choose Jesus? Because he has the power to forgive my sins and take my guilt away. Because his teachings show me the best way to live. Because he can give me strength to improve. Because his gospel is the only way to salvation. Because his power can seal me to those I love forever. And I choose him because he first chose me.

Choosing to follow Jesus is not a choice I made once; but one I have revisited over and over. Christianity is no set-it-and-forget-it religion. Every Sunday I make a new covenant that I will take the name of Christ upon me, that I will follow his commandments, and that I will always remember him.

“The elements of the doctrine of Christ—such as faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, entering a covenant relationship with the Lord through baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end—are not intended to be experienced as one-time, check-the-box events. In particular, ‘enduring to the end’ is not really a separate step in the doctrine of Christ—as though we complete the first four elements and then hunker down, grit our teeth, and wait to die. No, enduring to the end is repeatedly and iteratively applying the other elements of the doctrine of Christ, creating the ‘powerful virtuous cycle’ that President Nelson described.

“Repeatedly means that we experience the elements of the doctrine of Christ over and over throughout our lives. Iteratively means that we build on and improve with each repetition. Even though we repeat the elements, we are not just spinning in circles without a forward trajectory. Instead, we draw closer to Jesus Christ each time through the cycle.” (Elder Dale G. Renlund, April 2024 General Conference).

I choose to be a disciple of Christ in the same way that I choose to be Marisa’s husband: not once and for all, but now and forever — repeatedly, constantly, always monitoring my trajectory and correcting any deviations. In short, I choose my love and I love my choice. Just as my marriage is stronger now than it was on our wedding day, I can say that my discipleship is truer now than it was on my baptism day.

What strengthens these relationships? Mutual and reciprocal sacrificial love. My own efforts at this are no match for the love of Jesus Christ, but he is helping me to improve over time.

Conclusion

Who are you, and what do you choose to be? If you were to write a similar post about yourself, what things would you list? Do your aspirations line up with your efforts? Are you choosing to become what you want to be? Do you need any course corrections?

Whatever else you choose, I encourage you to become a disciple of Jesus Christ. Follow him, and he will magnify your efforts in everything else you do.

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Alan B. Sanderson, MD is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and is a practicing neurologist.